| Life has taught me that every negative has a positive side. It’s good to look for the positive—not as a means of evasion—but as a means of establishing internal balance. So during this time of Sheltering in Place, I have been thinking about the gifts of solitude, and about the life of Hildegard Von Bingen. She succeeded in making the best of an extremely difficult period of isolation. Hildegard lived in the 12th Century and her story is long, but in a nutshell: She was a visionary, an artist, and someone who loved nature. Around the age of eight her parents tithed her to the church where she was literally bricked into a convent cell with her cousin Jutta. They lived inside those walls, as anchorites for decades until Jutta died. In this extreme solitude, Hildegard continued to have her visions, she managed to study, to write and paint. She composed beautiful music. After she was released, she lived into her eighties, and established two convents on the Rhine river. She was known as the Sybil of the Rhine. I think she found her salvation and kept her sanity through creative means. Creativity is a direct connection to God. When I first began exploring the mystics, I did three paintings of Hildegard. In the 2 images of her as an adult, I attempted to honor that precious feeling of peace and awe that we can experience in stillness. One is titled, Interior Life, and the second is, Hildegard Listening. I also painted one of her as a child of eight, titled, Visionary Child. |  "Interior Life," by Sue Ellen Parkinson  "Visionary Child," by Sue Ellen Parkinson  "Hildegard Listening" by Sue Ellen Parkinson |
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 I was raised with the story that Mary Magdalene was a repentant prostitute. Other than that, I knew nothing about this important historical figure. The little I knew about her was based on a lie.
A male dominant culture cannot possibly provide a balanced perspective on history. It creates a trance of denial about the importance of women and diminishes their value. Unfortunately this is reflected even in the Holy Scriptures. But the buried Sacred Feminine will always arise. It will always exist. For me the Sacred Feminine has appeared in the form of Mary Magdalene. By bringing Her to Her rightful place in consciousness, my life has begun to shift and come into balance. I am an intuitive artist in my late 60’s. About 4 years ago I began exploring the Christian aspect of my spirituality through painting. In using my active imagination I paint the images that come to me and then do a spontaneous writing dialogue with them. I had this unarticulated longing in my heart. These questions emerged: Where do I belong in a spiritual pantheon constructed solely by males? Who meets me, a woman? How do I fit in—not just as a mother (the only sanctified position)—but as a fully developed human being? In answer to those questions Magdalene entered my consciousness. My connection with her began as a visual flash, an early morning thought while laying in bed: I want to learn more about Magdalene. Soon after that I found myself at my first Magdalene retreat with my dear teacher, Kayleen Asbo. After that retreat I began painting Her. As I painted and dialogued with the images that came to me Magdalene began to reveal herself. She has now grown to be my steady source of renewal and spiritual support.Mary Magdalene is my icon for all the brilliant women who have been denied their appropriate authority in the world, all the unacknowledged women who have been guiding forces for love. When I connect with Magdalene, I connect with all of them. And in this world where women are blocked from power Magdalene has become my doorway through to it. I’m not in any way a religious scholar but I trust in the truth of my creative process. I believe that there is a deep intersection between creativity and spirituality wherein they merge and support one another. Creativity opens the aperture of my consciousness and allows the unfiltered truth to emerge. I trust this truth more than any other. Using the Benedictine practice of Visio Divina with my images I ask Magdalene the question, How can I connect with you? This is the voice I hear: When you align your actions with your heart—you align yourself with my heart. When you are true to yourself, you are true to me. When you listen to the world with your heart you will hear me, my voice. When you tend to your deepest grief, you tend to mine. This voice is very different from a command on high for dogged obedience. This is the feminine voice that asks for self inquiry and honesty, the suggestion being to trust one’s inner barometer. It says: You can fall on your face dear but listen to your heart. On a recent trip through Ireland I had a lively discussion with a Catholic priest about my perceptions of Mary Magdalene. I had shown him my paintings and he was enthusiastic about my process and ideas. He gave me an article that supported many of the insights that had emerged for me. As I read this article on my train ride back to Dublin, I came to a paragraph referring to the story of the 7 demons that were cast out of Magdalene by Jesus. There I stopped. I was rankled. I found this image of Magdalene with 7 demons troubling. It seems to imply that she was riddled with sin and that prior to her encounter with Jesus there was something shamefully wrong with her. It just didn’t jive with my sense of who she was. Honestly, I was also annoyed with the idea that it was yet another man being credited as the vehicle for a woman’s transformation. Feeling myself in a reactive state, I settled down and meditated. I drifted back to a time in my 30’s when I told a dear friend, Mokusen Myuki, about a dream I had. Mokusen was about 25 years older than I. A Buddhist priest and a Jungian analyst, he was my spiritual advisor. I had felt embarrassed because in this dream I was being sexually debased in a work environment. I remember I’d averted my eyes from his while telling him about it. I explained to him, “It was as if I was a piece of furniture, without thoughts or feelings. It was as if I wasn’t even there.” When I finally looked up at his face, I saw he had tears streaming from his eyes. In a somewhat awkward English he said, “To be a woman in this culture is demeaning. It’s so wrong.” As a young woman, this was unspoken knowledge that I had learned to live with day in and day out: the lie that women are viewed as less than men and often just as sexual objects. Most of the time this lie is normalized and accepted as being “just the way it is.” In seeing Mokusen’s tears that day my heart was somehow unburdened. When I saw that he—a man—really understood how crazy-making and oppressive it is to be so objectified. I was changed through his acknowledgment of this truth. He understood the depth of my experience. After recalling this turning point in my own life I realized that the historical Magdalene may have had a similar experience with Jesus. What if “the demons” Jesus cast out were the lies with which society infuses women’s psyches? What if Jesus had denounced those lies that continue to cripple and burden women all over the world to this very day? Lies are demons and if Jesus denounced them she would be transformed. She would be free. Continuing on I reflected on the 7 chakras as a means to identify what these 7 lies might be. The following list is what came to mind almost immediately. I acknowledge that generalizations don’t always hold true, but for the most part, at least in my experience, these are accurate. 1st Chakra, Survival. Lie number one: Women can’t take care of themselves. They need a man to be whole, in order to survive and thrive in the world. The truth? Women not only survive alone but they include others in their net of survival. They not only care for themselves but they care for their parents, their siblings, their husbands, their children and friends. 2nd Chakra, Sexuality. Lie number two: Women’s bodies are unclean—if they enjoy sex they must be whores. The truth: Their bodies are life-giving, beautiful, sensual and magnetic and their sexuality is driven by love, rarely by base desire. 3rd Chakra, Power. Lie number three: Women are the weaker sex. The truth: When a women enters her power she uses it to protect and empower others as well—she doesn’t dominate, she educates. 4th Chakra, Love. Lie number four: Love and compassion are associated primarily with women and seen as a form of weakness, mental softness and even hysteria. The Truth: Love and empathy are equally necessary to any balanced human being. The ability to include emotions such as love, fear and grief allow decision-making to come from a more holistic perspective. 5th Chakra, Expression. Lie number five: Women have nothing of value to say, or contribute to the world. Truth: From birth women are marvelously expressive—often more so than their male counterparts. The schools for the arts typically have a much higher attendance of females. (Although the graduates are quickly snuffed out of their chosen fields—as writers they remain unpublished, as artists unable to show.) * 6th Chakra, Intellect. Lie number six: Women have inferior intelligence to men. IQ surveys consistently show that men and women have equal intelligence—although some recent tests show women as having a slightly higher IQ than men. ** 7th Chakra, Enlightenment. Lie number seven: God is a He. Truth: God is un-gendered. A feature of divinity is to have one’s animus and anima wholly integrated. When we unmask these pervasive lies the truth is revealed. The more perfect spiritual goal is not to fall to one side or the other, but for men and women to integrate their inner male and female selves striving towards a harmonious whole. I feel blessed in the process of re-imagining Magdalene and I would encourage others to reinterpret the stories with which they’ve been inculcated. Scholars may argue my conclusions, but this interpretation of Jesus casting out seven demons from Magdalene makes far more sense to me. It strengthens and aligns me with my spirituality. It also clarifies my understanding of a Savior. A Savior is a being of deep compassion and fearless honesty, who exemplifies and promotes equality. If any of my insights resonate for you, please post responses on my website: www.miracleofyourlife.com. Let me know what truths you have found to replace those lies. I wish to extend my gratitude to: My teacher, friend and scholar Kayleen Asbo, who is a spiritual conduit of the Divine Feminine. The late Mokusen Miyuki, who was truly a holy man of wisdom and compassion. My brilliant friend and poet, Donna Kerr, who was a wonderful sounding board. She generously gave me her editing advice and the encouragement to say all that needed to be said. And last but nor least, Mary Magdalene—like the swell of a wave, may She lift you as She has lifted me. Footnotes: * Women Outnumber Men At Art Schools — So Why Isn’t Their Work Being Shown In Galleries Once They Graduate? By Farah Joan Fard, Bustle, May 18 2017 ** Men, Women, and IQ: Setting the Record Straight, an article in Psychology Today Magazine, sites Raven’s Progressive Matrices test, a test of abstract, logical reasoning. Setting the male score at 100, Flynn found that women scored the lowest in Australia (99.5), but in the other 4 nations Raven’s scores varied from 100.5 to 101.5. I wrote this two years ago and am posting it now because I've not forgotten.
I recently learned that my dear friend and teacher, Mokusen Miyuki, died on April 7th. He was Japanese, an 18th generation Buddhist Priest, a well known Jungian analyst, and the kindest human being that I have ever encountered. Mokusen was always looking for a new way to see the world, always interested in increasing his capacity to comprehend the deeper meaning of life. He had a delightful sense of humor and would often laugh at himself until tears rolled down his face. And even though he was from an entirely different culture, he somehow was able to listen and understand me on such a deep level. For that listening and understanding, I feel truly blessed. He always encouraged me and accepted me for exactly who I am. In the course of a conversation, if I said something that irritated him, he would just say, “I’m feeling aversion. I must not understand. Tell me your dreams.” And so I did, and it was a wonderful exchange: My dreams and drawings for his Wisdom. I trust that everything he told me was true, including his recurrent comment that, “Everything is worthy of equal respect,” a teaching I’ve been chewing on for over 25 years. He taught me so many things that changed my life, and he taught largely by example. I share this with you now, both to honor him, and to say that I had been thinking of him for the past few weeks and meaning to call or write him. But I was so caught up in the current of my own life that I didn’t follow my intuition. Then his daughter Agnes wrote and told me the news of his death. I so regret not reaching out. So, Dear Friends, take this as a reminder not to hesitate to tell people how much you love them while they are alive. Tell them again and again. It might be the only thing worth saying. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. —Rumi
I’ve always been drawn to the Eastern religions: Hinduism, Sufism, and Buddhism. I took my Buddhist lay vows 20 years ago and the Dharma has been an enormous comfort to me throughout my adult life. One of the primary teachings of the Buddha is,“No grasping. No pushing away.” It’s a practice in cultivating equanimity, the idea being that as you work towards lessening your desires and aversions, you naturally move towards the middle ground. However, I must confess: In regards to Christianity, I’ve carried a long-time aversion that has gone unchecked. In all honesty, I’ve felt that the Christian church has created a great deal of unnecessary suffering in the world, and because of that, I simply chose to ignore it. Yet “ignore” is the root word of ignorance and I’ve come to realize that in my trying to ignore Christianity I’ve been like the ostrich sticking it’s head in a hole. If you live in the United States, as I do, you live in a culture that sprang from Christianity. Christian values and premises are entrenched in everything here, and those values have been coloring my perceptions since birth. So I made the decision to begin to explore Christianity through creative means, with the intention to seek out my own relationship to it. Painting has always been my doorway through to understanding anything, so I connected with the Saints through my art. To the surprise of many of my liberal friends, my walls began to be covered with paintings of Christian icons. The surprise for me was that in painting these icons, I fell in love, and gained a new perspective on both Christianity and myself. I began with Mary Magdalene and looked at seemingly endless images of her. One night as I was perusing through books, I found myself in tears. I suddenly saw in her all the women I‘ve known, who have been distorted and denied their appropriate authority by the world. My heart broke open and I found myself adoring her. Since childhood, I’ve had an innate sense that imagery works like an incantation on the human psyche. I’ve always felt the responsibility in that. So in my painting of Magdalene, I wanted to restore her identity to the wise, empowered, and sovereign woman that I believe she was. To my surprise, as I painted her, I began to feel more empowered myself. I began to feel her presence in my life. I am by no means a religious scholar and I have no desire to propagate my interpretations onto anyone else. However, my creative process has helped me to find balance. It’s led me towards my own voice and reorients me to the world in such a way that my soul is nourished. On a deeply personal level, it’s been transformative for me to rethink these old stories and paint them anew. I’ve come to feel both comforted and guided by the Christian Saints. I’ve begun to connect with the them as universal symbols of the Divine and I’ve experienced a deeper tenderness for humanity overall. These icons have had millions upon millions of people praying to them. My sense is that those prayers have created a kind of current, and that as I paint them, I’ve jumped into a vast river of prayer. I’ve been swept into the hearts of Mary Magdalene, Saint Francis, Saint Hildegard, Saint Anthony, Saint Cecilia et al. A new world of ideas and inspiration has been given to me. Image is the root of “imagination,” and as images feed our perceptions of the world, they also influence the way we move through our lives. By my own hand, I choose to create images that represent the values of respect and inclusion. In order to live in peace, I hope to continue to expand my capacity for understanding and to embrace the All through my art. There is another saying by Rumi,“This turning towards what you love saves you.” I’ve always felt the truth in that statement and used it as central tenet in making decisions in my life. Now, as I turn towards the religion that I’ve felt so much aversion to, I’m happy to report that: turning towards what you don’t love saves you too. |
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